MLB Player Cereals
I’ve really only ever wanted to accomplish one thing in life: meet Burt Reynolds. If that never happens then the best consolation prize would be having a breakfast cereal named after me. Well, Cincinnati Reds superstar Joey Votto has accomplished this feat with the release of his new cereal, “VottO’s.” (He’s probably met Burt Reynolds too *shakes fist* *curses the day*).
“VottO’s” are of the honey nut oat-toasted variety and feature Joey’s likeness adorning the box. After hearing about this, I started wondering what other big league players should have their own cereal. So, in honor of VottO’s, and also in honor of the Cave Dwellers’ new #BadPunday initiative, I have compiled a brief list for your consumption (without using Coco Crisp):
Michael Bourn – Bourn Pops: The fastest man in baseball deserves the most exciting breakfast food since bacon-covered bacon wrapped in bacon. Furthermore, Bourn Pops would have the coolest cereal mascot in the game, Toucan McCann.
Jamie Moyer – Timestoppers: A specialized mix of Bran and Gingko biloba, Timestoppers can only be eaten with condensed milk while listening to the Greatest Hits of Lawrence Welk. Eating a bowl of Timestoppers is akin to bathing in a golden fountain of youth. If Jamie Moyer ever reads this he will probably kill me, and then live on to tell the tale of his kill for 5,000 years.
Jose Bautista – Joey Jacks: A cereal made only for the manliest of men, Joey Jacks will give you the power boost you need to crush all small objects made of cork and cowhide. Joey Jacks will be the biggest thing to come out of Canada since Bryan Adams released Cuts Like A Knife (nah nah naah, nah nah nah naaah, nah nah, nah naaaah! I seriously hope you have that stuck in your head all day because I know I will.).
I will warn you, #BadPunday is in full effect with these last two. Read on if you dare…
David Price – Price Krispies: A cereal made for the younger generation, Price Krispies gives you Super Shredder strength in the left side of your body. It will perform well in the market, although it will face some tough competition from Clayton Crunch.
Robin Yount - Yount Chocula: There’s no pun here, it turns out Robin Yount is actually a vampire. That’s the first bit of insider information MLB gives you when you work in the Cave. Watch your necks, Wisconsin.
Well, if you want to talk about how terribly pun-riddled my list is or if you would like to add your own cereal to the list, hit me up on Twitter @RickyMast or post it on the MLB Fan Cave Facebook page . Hey I just thought of another one: Coco Crisp Corn Fla—oh no!!